chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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