Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
