Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
