Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
