Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
either way he was missing a nipple.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
