Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
