Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
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I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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