You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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