By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.