I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Houston, we have a blender
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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