You're my little dorito
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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