ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
