i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob