Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
me + whiskey = a bad person
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize