Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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