We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
