Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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