The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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