Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
