I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
