People in love make me want to vomit
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I pour the whiskey from now on
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
