Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
