you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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