Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
