She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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