I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
