I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
