ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
