I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
