You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
