Don't you send me to vm
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
