My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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