I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
