i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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