You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize