Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
