Where did you get a picture of my penis
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
