My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
