Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
