RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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