Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
