Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
