Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
