I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
