i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
