even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
