Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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