In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize