New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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