People in love make me want to vomit
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
