I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I still have a little drunk in my system
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
