Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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