Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
