You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
