i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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