I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult