mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say