If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
