When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
