He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm both gender and math confused
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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