a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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