Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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