Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
